Hey…
Wassup…
Howz Life?
I am fine until the last question is asked to me. Howz life? because I get drown in deeper thoughts of sea on which a tiny boat ponders over it always about whether to lie or say truth, whether to answer it with fake smile or just ignore it with genuine smile, whether to let that question break me further or let it pass silently without giving damn and yes last but not least; whether to open up to bring it out or let it be closed within to make it stay within.
Finally, I am here, before I could say anything, let me gather all my courage pieces shattered all over the floor; let me fake my smile to stay strong; let me make my eyes ready to face it before my heart begin to pour out and mind to shout out.
Life is a Hell lot of Hungry.
When I try to think straight n positive; it eats up my mind and makes a mess inside it.
When I crave for appreciation or valued; it eats up my effort and makes it look like nothing is great about it.
When I wish for being loved; it eats up the feeling I deserve from other person’s heart and mind.
When I need companion; it eats up the time of another person to make me lonely again.
When I want to be cared; it eats up the space near me making no one come near or even think about me.
When I am ready to do something; it eats up my determination to make me feel helpless and good-for-nothing.
When I have peace at home; it eats up shelter above to throw me out in chaos making me homeless.
Life is a Hell lot of Selfish.
The world can talk whenever they can and whenever they want, but vice versa is not an option.
The world is available to me whenever some work has to be done or they need me, but vice versa is never an option.
The world like me or cares me whenever they feel so; but vice versa is damn big no.
The world can take me on a roller-coaster ride of feelings and motives, but vice versa is not at all possible.
And the list goes on… and on... and on… and life bangs harder every time on each move of moments I live in this world.
Life is Hell Lot of Hungry and Selfish and lot more I could say…
Why I am saying so negative and so agitated? I have many such reasons inside and outside. I have many such incidents piling up one upon another. I have many such situations burdening my shoulder heavier than ever. And yes, I have many such heart-breaks making me feel hollow than vacuum itself is within.
Why I am grunting it out now? I have the only option left to take my negative devil out is here; I have only place left to dump out is here. Here I can be fearless, with no regret or guilt within and yes, faceless to grind all my dying feeling.
There is a lot to speak about; there is a lot to express about and there is a lot to live about, but then, I have got no such world built around, I have got no such soul to mingle around and I have got no such feeling to last around for long.
I know you will hate me more by knowing all this about life. I also know you will be thinking about me twice after knowing the sadistic part of me. Still, I am here not only fighting with life but also with the feeling of living it too. Still, I am here not to please you but also to make you subtract me from the vicious circle of life.
I don’t know… What is tearing me apart inside… Why it is being so suffocated within… How it is going to turn out… When will the battle to live or feeling to live will end…
I am tired of living life. I am tired of my identity and crisis. I may be mocked up or may be pulled down; but then I am tired to prove my existence too. Yes, I am complaining. Yes, I am angry. Yes, I am upset and above all, Yes, I am sad with myself and life within. Yes, yes and yes… Screamingly Loud YES…